I Got Nothing
by HeroesEmmaLee
Summary: Derek is reflecting on the biggest mistake of his life during the Christmas season, and he ventures off to repair his wrongs. AU, Song-fic including the song "Nothing" by The Script. Sequel to "In Another Life".


**I'm on a one-shot mood this week, apparently, because I just cannot finish the next chapter of Hello Seattle, LOL it's coming, one of these days :) This is another song-fic featuring the song Nothing by The Script, and it is a sequel to another one of my song-fics called "In Another Life". What makes this story different is that Derek, instead of Addison, is the main character, and it takes place in Grey's Anatomy Season 2, when Addison comes to Seattle. With my own little twist, of course Xx Hope you guys like this one, it's kind of angsty-fluff. Read&Review, please(: And again I own nothing, except for my own two original characters Ailsa (El-Sah) and Iona (Eye-Oh-Nah) reprising their roles in this fic, which are named for and based on my two little twin sisters in real life :) **

_._

_Am I better off dead?  
>Am I better off a quitter?<br>They say I'm better off now,  
>Than I ever was with her.<br>As they take me to my local down the street,  
>I'm smiling but I'm dying, trying not to drag my feet…<br>They say a few drinks, will help me to forget her.  
>But after one too many, I know that I'm never…<em>

_._

Derek Shepherd sat on a stool, separated from all his colleagues from work as he sipped at his drink, a scotch on the rocks. He felt utterly numbed as he looked at his Blackberry, checking for messages. Not from Meredith, no… from his wife. All he could think about as he stared mindlessly at the various types of alcohol behind the bar, was how badly he messed up with Addison.

He was so pissed off at Addison… so angry, so betrayed… but mostly, he was just broken-hearted. Derek thought Addison was his… _his _wife, _his_ best friend, _his _everything. Seeing her in bed with his best friend, tore his heart into pieces. And he really thought Meredith was his new beginning; his new everything. Derek thought he loved her. But Addison was right that first night she arrived in Seattle: Meredith was just his "Anti-Addison". She was inexperienced, and childish… and the big thing was, that Meredith just wasn't Addison. She wasn't a tall, beautiful red head, she wasn't the mother of his children, she wasn't smart and cunning and funny… and Meredith Grey wasn't the woman Derek was in love with.

He just didn't know how to win her back after he practically destroyed her. And there was nothing, at this point in his life, that he regretted more than hurting Addison and their daughters. He saw Addison every day at work, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same as holding her in the middle of the night and stroking her beautiful red hair, or hearing her voice call his name, or hearing her laugh. It wasn't only Addison that he was missing out on, Derek was also missing out on his daughters. He hadn't had a single normal outing with his and Addison's identical twin girls since they were living in New York together. The girls moved with Addison when she decided to stay in Seattle, to fight for Derek. Fighting for his affection back. What Addison didn't know, was that she had already had his heart. She'd had it the whole time.

Derek had called Addison's cell phone 6 times in the past 2 hours he spent at Joe's, each time, sounding more and more drunk as each call went straight to voicemail. And along with the 6 calls, he left 6 voicemails, and after he left the final one, he put his phone down slowly, rubbing his temples as he felt the heavy alcohol get to him. _He screwed up. Bad._ There was a time where Derek rejected every one of Addison's calls to him, picking Meredith over her every time. Derek nodded to himself and took another shot of scotch, seeing the irony in this all. Suddenly, Derek perked his head up, seeing his phone light up again. It was Addison.

"Addison?" Derek said anxiously, picking the phone up immediately.

"No, Daddy, it's me- Ailsa." He heard his daughter say, as another voice spoke up in the background "And Iona!" Derek smiled to himself, wishing he could see his girls. "And Iona." Ailsa repeated, sounding rather nervous on the phone. "Daddy… I know that you and Mommy are in a really bad fight, but… we miss you. We miss you and Mommy being happy all the time, she's just sad. Never happy. And I know you guys both said things to each other that weren't good, but… it's almost Christmas. Can't we all just be a happy family again?" Ailsa spoke, Derek's eyes welling up with tears as he listen. "Please?" She said, speaking up, Derek letting the tears fall down his face as he was able to quickly wipe them away without anyone noticing.

"We're…. we're working on it, sweetie. I miss you and your sister so much." Derek said, as Joe looked at him suspiciously behind the bar.

He heard Ailsa sigh on the other line. "Yeah, working on it…" She said before pausing. "Listen Dad, we're supposed to be in bed… so, I have to go. Please, Daddy… please say you'll really try to work it out with her… please. That's all I want for Christmas… for all of us to be together." Derek ran a hand through his swept-back hair as he closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, taking another swig of the scotch shot in front of him.

"Alright, kid. I love you, tell your sister I love her too. And give my best to your mom, alright? Can you do that for me, Ails?" He said, trying to hide the fact that he was so close to tears it hurt as he spoke softly into the phone.

"Yes, Daddy. I love you too. 'Night." She said, hanging up the phone. Derek closed his eyes, putting his phone slowly back onto the bar counter. He rubbed his temples slowly, the alcohol he consumed finally starting to take effect. He was startled when he saw a few of Bailey's interns, George, Izzie, and Alex, who were all friends with Meredith, drinking and laughing and having a good time. Derek couldn't help feeling jealous.

_._

_And my mates are all there, trying to calm me down,  
>'Cuz I'm shouting your name all over the town…<br>I'm swearing if I go there now,  
>I can change her mind turn it all around.<em>

_And I know that I'm drunk, but I'll say the words.  
>And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred…<br>Dialed her number and confessed to her  
>I'm still in love but all I heard,<br>Was nothing…_

_._

"Hey, Dr. Shepherd." Izzie said, sitting next to Derek at the bar as she ordered a drink. Derek held up his head up with hands, and hadn't acknowledged Izzie's presence until she started tilting her head trying to get a better look at him. "You okay, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yeah… yeah, fine. Guess I had just one too many drinks tonight." He replied softly, turning to look at Izzie sullenly.

Izzie blinked a few times, giving the intimation that she didn't believe him in the slightest. "Is everything okay with, Meredith?" Derek closed his eyes, hearing her name, realizing his mistake with Meredith. He fooled around with her, and tried to replace her as the love of his life. But it didn't work, nothing could possibly get Addison out of his pained mind.

"No." He said, getting up, stumbling a bit as Derek stood on his two feet again. He looked at Izzie with a mixed expression on his face. "I can't do this anymore. I have to go." He said, turning around to leave the bar as Izzie grabbed his arm on the way out.

Izzie looked like a cross between confused and stunned as she looked at Derek. "Wait, what?"

Derek sighed, his eyes wandering around the room before he locked them on Izzie's while he spoke. "I can't get away from her. I love my wife, Dr. Stevens, and I need to go find her. Please… tell Meredith I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." He said, shaking off Izzie's grip as he left through the doors of the Emerald City Bar, leaving Izzie utterly stunned.

_._

_Oh, sometimes love's intoxicating…  
>Oh you're coming down, your hands are shaking…<br>When you realize there's no one waiting…_

…_Am I better off dead?  
>Am I better off a quitter?<br>They say I'm better off now,  
>Than I ever was with her…<em>

_._

Derek escaped the bar as he walked quickly into his car, scrolling through his texts to find the ones Addison had sent him months ago. He read them all, but responded to none, and he knew that Addison had sent him her new address once before. He scrolled down his texts from Addison until he got the address, seeing how close it was to the hospital as Derek turned his car on, driving quickly away from Joe's. Derek was certainly above the legal limit of alcohol, but he deemed himself the right to drive at this time, deciding could see straight and he needed to see Addison bad enough. He arrived at what he now knew was Addison, Ailsa, and Iona's new location in Seattle in less than 10 minutes of leaving Joes, and Derek sat in his car for a while, thinking of what he wanted to say once he got the nerve to talk to Addison. Addison's residence was on the end of a row of townhouses, and they were on the wealthier side of Seattle, right by the hospital. The front door had a wreath right in the middle and the awning was bordered with bright Christmas lights. Derek smiled, stepping outside of his car as he admired the townhouse. It reminded him very much of his and Addison's brownstone in New York City as he walked slowly up the walkway. Derek noticed Addison's black sport's car parked in the driveway, and Iona and Ailsa's purple and pink bicycles chained tightly to the garage door. Derek looked at the bikes, remembering last Christmas when he and Addison had given them to their daughters, the happy looks on their faces, as they insisted that they go on bike ride on Christmas Day in New York. He smiled lightly, putting his hands in his pockets as he walked up to the front door, looking at the ground as he sighed, gathering all the courage in him to knock on the door. Less than a few seconds later, Addison opened the door, looking incredibly stunned to see Derek standing in front of her. She was wearing her reading glasses and her red hair was up, a look Derek always loved on her. Addison was wearing red silk pajamas that she had had since the twins were born, and she put a hand on her hip as she closed her eyes and sighed softly for a moment. "Derek… what, are you doing here? The girls are asleep, I mean you-"

"Addison, I made a big mistake. The worst mistake I ever made in my life… what you did…. What you did was bad, and I couldn't look at you. For a long time, because all I could remember was how betrayed and hurt I was that you went out and…. Never mind. I left, I needed time apart, and I left. And I met this woman, this great woman who said she was "dark and twisty", and she was a woman who was the perfect "Anti-Addison", and I wanted to love her. I really did, but I couldn't, Addison, because what I couldn't face was that I was still in love with you. I am still in love with you, and the way I treated you when you and Ailsa and Iona came to Seattle wasn't right. I wanted to forget all the hurt feelings that I felt looking at you, but now I can see why you did what you did that night in New York. You were trying to catch my attention. I was, absent. I wasn't being a good husband or a father… and now I want to change that. I forgive you for sleeping with Mark, if you can please, please forgive me for hurting you, Addison. There's nothing more I could possibly want in the whole world other than for us to be a family again." Addison crossed her arms, nodding her head slowly up and down as she listened to Derek, wanting to cry hearing his words, but trying to stay strong, not believing this was actually happening.

"Derek… you smell like scotch… this is just the alcohol speaking… you don't really mean it." She said, looking up at the sky, trying hard to fight tears from coming down her face.

Derek sighed, putting a hand on Addison's shoulder as he looked her in the eyes. "I haven't been drinking that much, and… I mean every word of this, Addison. I can think, I've been thinking. You and our girls occupy my mind every minute of every day, and it kills me how I'm missing them grow up, how I'm missing my wife, my best-friend…. Everything. And I'm so sorry, Addison. Please… Red, be the love of my life again?" Addison closed her eyes, nodding at what Derek said as tears finally came across her face. She wrapped her arms around Derek's neck as Derek kissed her, passionately, for the first time in months. Derek closed his eyes, focusing on Addison as he kissed her lips softly, so full of emotion. He pulled away after a few minutes, stroking her face as Addison smiled, unstoppable tears still falling down her cheeks.

"YES!" Derek and Addison grinned, turning to hear Ailsa and Iona chanting in the hallway of the house, grinning widely as they joined Derek and Addison on the front steps of the townhouse.

"You're back together! You love each other again!" Ailsa said, as Derek put an arm around her, kissing her head.

"We're a family again, all of us are going to be together for Christmas." Iona said softly, with a smile, putting a pleasant picture into Addison and Derek's heads.

"Santa got me what I wanted for Christmas; he gave me my family back!" Ailsa said as she and Iona hugged both their parents, Derek closing the door of the townhouse behind him as the Shepherd family stepped fully into the house.

"You didn't give up on us." Addison said, smiling up at Derek as Ailsa and Iona were in Derek's arms.

"I couldn't give up on the best thing I ever had." Derek said, kissing Addison for a brief moment, leaving her speechless, as he smiled down at his girls, then at love of his life. "This, is the true meaning of Christmas." He said to himself, closing his eyes as he thanked God for his amazing daughters, his breath-taking wife, and his McLife restoring fully to its past state: perfection.

_._

_She said nothing…  
>Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing…<br>Oh, I got nothing._

_._


End file.
